Confessions....

Throughout the day I think about so many things that I want to blog about - it's like a running commentary in my head. And then 8:30 rolls around. And I sit on the couch and look at the mess that surrounds me. And then I procrastinate by picking up my laptop and spend way too much time reading other people's blogs and checking my blockbuster queue. I finally decide that perhaps I'll post something and then I have to remember what the heck I actually thought about five hours ago that was worth posting online.....

Something I was thinking about today was confessions. I happened upon a blog where a mom listed ten confessions - mostly about parenting and personal flaws/habits - things you don't want to admit, but when you do you find that alot of people can relate with what you've admitted. So of course I started thinking about what my confessions would be and as I do the thought pops in my head "I couldn't include that... so and so would think badly of me/look at me differently." I have always struggled with the fear of rejection and on the flip side of that I always desire to be liked and accepted. Who doesn't to some extent? But I think that I often allow those fears and desires to change who I am. To some people I might be willing to share my dirty laundry because I know that they probably match me with their own! With others, so many people that seem kinder, more virtuous, more attentive to their children, better housekeepers, more spiritual, more disciplined, I tend to edit myself and perhaps not reveal who I am and what I struggle with and how often I clean the bathroom. :) With a blog you can't control who reads it so I either edit myself for everyone, or allow everyone see "the good, the bad, and the ugly" (stolen from Clint Eastwood and the women who's blog I read earlier). It's silly and I know that God doesn't want me to be fearful of other's rejection or acceptance. I know that His desire is that I would worry less about what people thought of me and instead bring my flawed, internet obsessed, dirty house, lazy, selfish, lack of discipline-d self before His feet and just rest in His love.

All that over a silly list of confessions. I mean it shouldn't be hard to admit that I only shower when I really need to (ouch, that was tough to write and I'm being vague enough to let you draw your own conclusions.) and that when I was in a weekly women's Bible study I would cram a whole week's worth of lessons into the night before (well, I did have a 20 month old and a newborn last year - not sure about my excuse when it happens again this year!) or that sometimes I sit and read a book while my kids play around me because I don't feel like playing. After typing these I want to delete them because I don't want my friends thinking I am less of a Christian or stinky (OK, sometimes I'm stinky!), or a bad mother. But I'll be brave and I'll post this. And maybe in a few days I'll be braver and post some more confessions - and maybe some of you will too....