Time to go to bed....

So anyone out there catch the premier of Grey's Anatomy and The Office this week? We are big fans of both shows so Thursday was an exciting night for Matt and myself. I liked both episodes - Grey's Anatomy made me shed a few tears even (Bailey saying sorry to Denny, Christina breaking down with Burke. I wasn't too upset with how things are developing with Jim and Pam on The Office -I'm sure Jim will be back and until then I think it's interesting having him at the other branch. If you watched either let me know what you thought?

So I really like to sleep. More specifically, I like to sleep in the morning. I hate hate hate to get out of bed in the morning. Even when my kids get up they come in bed and play around until I can drag myself up. I've been thinking for awhile how nice it would be if I could....here comes a really novel idea....get up before my kids do. I could get up at 7am and have an hour (usually) to either, clean, run, read my Bible...a whole extra hour in my day. But the thought of getting up at 7am just kills me. It goes against everything I hold dear - that one extra hour of sleep is so special to me. But I'm going to try. I'm going to try because I don't want to be a slave to sleep.

This is so hard for me to write because if I put it out their in the blog world then there is some small level of accountability. I'm not asking you to keep me accountable (please don't, I might get mad at you because I'm grumpy from lack of sleep) but just knowing that others know will hopefully be a motivation. I'm not sure when my first try will be. I'll keep you all posted. I was initially thinking tomorrow but I'm tiiiired. Ella has been waking in the middle of the night and running to the bathroom. So when I hear her door open and her little feet pitter pattering down the hall I am immediately awake. Then there is the other problem of going to bed at a decent time. See right now Matt and I are watching a movie - The Inside Man - and it won't be over by 11. We said we'd only start it but now it's getting intense and I don't think either of us are going to want to stop it before it's over. So I'll be up late....and then I definitely won't want to get up early. And then I have a meeting tomorrow night so I'll have alot to do at night and I won't want to go to bed early....it's a vicious cycle.

So I'll try and keep you updated. I'd definitely appreciate any encouragement and advice from anyone who has dealt with this. Especially if you are not a morning person.

Other things....
Matt and I watched United 93 this weekend. It was very good. Very hard to watch and very powerful. Even though you know the end of the story you'll find yourself hoping, praying that it might end differently. It doesn't try to be sentimental or overdramatic so you don't feel manipulated. I'm curious if any of you have seen it?

Also if any of you are fans of bananas check out the link on the right to Crafty Pumpkin's blog. Christina posted some recipes that look really really yummy. I think I'm going to make the banana oatmeal cookies sometime this week.

Ok, bedtime....

The List

Ok, so I've been meaning to put up a list of my confessions. These are confessions for the sake of making my self known and being vulnerable with my friends. Of course now that I sit down to type this I am really drawing a mental blank.

10. Most people would rather play online, read or watch tv rather than clean their house - I actually do.
9. This one is painful... I had a drawer FULL of wedding thank you notes that I wrote and addressed but never sent. There were also tons of pictures that were supposed to be mailed with the notes. They never got sent. I packed them in a garbage bag and threw them all away a year or so ago because I felt bad everytime I looked in the drawer. My wedding was seven years ago. It will be at least another seven years before I could let my mom know and pray that we could all have a good laugh over it...
8. If you read this you know this already, but I don't shower as much as I should. I would rather do other things with my time and deodorant works wonders.
7. I waste so much food because my fridge is too full and stuff gets hidden and then goes bad. I mean people are going hungry around the world I throw away whole packets of lettuce.
6. Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean alot of times) I don't want to be around Ella. I feel so guilty for it but she just whines so much and doesn't listen and is always fighting something. I love her so much but I don't always like her. I hate to put that out there because she is a beautiful child in so many ways but she is strong willed and stubborn and in a difficult stage.
5. I hate conflict so much that I will lie to avoid it. I don't know if it's the conflict that I hate as much as the potential outcome of the conflict (someone being mad at me or keeping things from me in the future).
4. I still get embarassed by my parents. Not often, but I occassionally get embarassed and act and feel like a teenager.
3. I am honestly insecure about my weight and how I look but I'm convinced that other people aren't because I think they look fine. Does that make sense? I can go on and on about the weight I need to lose and blah blah blah but when others do it I get annoyed because I can't figure out why would think that about themselves because they look good.
2. I do my weekly Bible Study half heartedly because sometimes I feel like it's busy work (lot of time spent looking up various verses, definitions, etc...) and I would rather just skip that and go to the applications...
1. I am envious of most people I know. I need to focus on being content in what God has given me and where He has put me but I often find myself dwelling on what is lacking in my life rather than giving thanks for how full it is. So I look at people that seem to have it better and easier (not just in a money sense) and want what they have.

Ok - so those weren't in any particular order and I really don' t know if I can publish this. I don't think there is anything that earth shattering but as I said before it's hard for me to be vulnerable. I hope you all still love me but I know that I can't worry about whether you do or don't (but I really hope you do :) - this honesty thing is the stuff of true friendships).

Over and out.....go Steelers!

Confessions....

Throughout the day I think about so many things that I want to blog about - it's like a running commentary in my head. And then 8:30 rolls around. And I sit on the couch and look at the mess that surrounds me. And then I procrastinate by picking up my laptop and spend way too much time reading other people's blogs and checking my blockbuster queue. I finally decide that perhaps I'll post something and then I have to remember what the heck I actually thought about five hours ago that was worth posting online.....

Something I was thinking about today was confessions. I happened upon a blog where a mom listed ten confessions - mostly about parenting and personal flaws/habits - things you don't want to admit, but when you do you find that alot of people can relate with what you've admitted. So of course I started thinking about what my confessions would be and as I do the thought pops in my head "I couldn't include that... so and so would think badly of me/look at me differently." I have always struggled with the fear of rejection and on the flip side of that I always desire to be liked and accepted. Who doesn't to some extent? But I think that I often allow those fears and desires to change who I am. To some people I might be willing to share my dirty laundry because I know that they probably match me with their own! With others, so many people that seem kinder, more virtuous, more attentive to their children, better housekeepers, more spiritual, more disciplined, I tend to edit myself and perhaps not reveal who I am and what I struggle with and how often I clean the bathroom. :) With a blog you can't control who reads it so I either edit myself for everyone, or allow everyone see "the good, the bad, and the ugly" (stolen from Clint Eastwood and the women who's blog I read earlier). It's silly and I know that God doesn't want me to be fearful of other's rejection or acceptance. I know that His desire is that I would worry less about what people thought of me and instead bring my flawed, internet obsessed, dirty house, lazy, selfish, lack of discipline-d self before His feet and just rest in His love.

All that over a silly list of confessions. I mean it shouldn't be hard to admit that I only shower when I really need to (ouch, that was tough to write and I'm being vague enough to let you draw your own conclusions.) and that when I was in a weekly women's Bible study I would cram a whole week's worth of lessons into the night before (well, I did have a 20 month old and a newborn last year - not sure about my excuse when it happens again this year!) or that sometimes I sit and read a book while my kids play around me because I don't feel like playing. After typing these I want to delete them because I don't want my friends thinking I am less of a Christian or stinky (OK, sometimes I'm stinky!), or a bad mother. But I'll be brave and I'll post this. And maybe in a few days I'll be braver and post some more confessions - and maybe some of you will too....

More than just cake!

I figured I should post a picture of the birthday girl and not just the cake! Poor Catherine is always such a happy baby and of course the night before her party she was feeling a little warm and then was just feeling crummy on the big day. So she didn't get to enjoy her party as much as I would have liked, but Ella did have fun "helping" her open the gifts and quickly claiming them as her own (Ella went as far as asking for certain new toys to be put away so "sis sis" couldn't get them). But Catherine not feeling well really wasn't our biggest problem - our biggest problem was that we lost power in the middle of the night (Thanks to Ernesto) on Friday and weren't sure if it was going to be restored until Sunday. We decided to go ahead with the party regardless and hope for the best. But this meant that I couldn't do any prep work with the food ahead of time because I didn't want to be opening and closing the fridge too much. Oh yeah - and no showers - which I had put off in hopes of running on the treadmill Saturday morning (no run either of course). But God was good and we got our power back 30 minutes before the party started so at least we weren't in the dark and I got a speed shower.


Anyway - here is a picture of Catherine after we brought her down. That's her friend Nolan looking on, wondering what the heck is going
on- he looks a little amused, doesn't he?

She did perk up through the rest of the night as the following picture shows. As soon as she had some ribbon and paper to play with. Overall it was a nice relaxing night - I can't believe I just described a one year old's birthday party as relaxing!

And eat it too...

Catherine's 1st birthday party was this past Saturday - only two weeks after her actual birthday, not too bad. I decided late in the week that I was going to make her birthday cake and went out and bought some cake making supplies (This started because I wanted to save money and not buy a cake - yeah right!). I decided to start simple -I bought a flower shaped cake pan (figured it could be used again for other celebrations) and a few tips to help with the decoration. I was surprised by how fun it was and not as complicated (remember, I went simple) as I thought it might be. So I had to post a picture of the finished product...

I have to say it was one darn tasty cake. I used Wilton's buttercream icing recipe and a Betty Crocker yellow cake mix. Definitely better (if not cheaper after buying the pan and stuff) than a store cake!

Good lookin' bunch...

This is a picture from a few weeks ago at a reunion with all my Grove City (college) friends. We've gotten together every year since graduation and this year we had 17 adults (Karen's - bottom row on the right - husband has a few weeks left before he comes home from almost a year in Iraq) and eleven kids. I just had to put up a picture of my beautiful friends and their beautiful daughters (Catherine was napping :( ). Love you guys!